Q: Why don't you have XL size flavored condoms? I can't believe it..!

-Vince

Q: I have just been diagnosed with herpes. I know that there are partner notification services for people who test HIV positive, but are there any such services for people who have been diagnosed with other sexually transmitted diseases? This is my first time getting tested, so I am not certain how I got this and would like to contact all of my previous partners, although not personally. Thanks in advance for your help.

My problem can be summed up in two words: Hate condoms. I'm a straight male college student who recently broke up with his girlfriend of nearly two years, and I'm finding it hard getting back out there to play the field. My ex was on the pill, so I never once had to use a condom when I was with her. But now that I'm getting with random girls, I'm forced to wrap the tool. And for whatever reason, when I wear a condom I cannot come. I have no problems getting it up, but pulling one off is the problem. Any words of wisdom, ideas, tips, etc.?

Insert Witty Name Here

My answer summed up in two words: Suffer, bitch. Until you have a steady girlfriend—until you're with a non-random, pill-poppin' woman you trust who also trusts you—you're just going to have to settle for wrapping the tool and a sub-optimal sexual experience. Explain to the next random girl you're banging that you have a hard time coming with a condom on and that you'll have to "finish yourself off." Then fuck the random girls until they come, pull out, take off the condom, and finish yourself off with your own right hand.

This is sub-optimal, as I've already pointed out, but there are always trade-offs, IWNH. When you're in a sexually exclusive LTR with someone who doesn't have an STD and is on the pill, then you don't have to use condoms. When you're with someone random—and enjoying the kind of thrills that only random sex provides—you do. If you really hate condoms, if they absolutely ruin sex for you, then you have a huge incentive to get back into a stable LTR with a nice, pill-poppin', non-random girl.

1. In most straight sex in which condoms are involved the guy will assume the task of applying the condom on his own. This naturally results in the guy losing a great deal of his erection as he has to stop what he's doing and refocus on a rather mundane, albeit somewhat complicated (for instance he may get the upside of the condom confused with the downside), task of applying the condom. In addition to having to refocus away from his partner he also must come to terms with his pre-conceived ideas about condom usage. Your use of the word "sub-optimal" is but one example as is the letter writer's declaration that he cannot come when using a condom.

Now the way to deal with this is to make the condom part of foreplay. Most straight women, based on my discussions with our customers, never put a condom on him or even touch it with their hands. The idea is to get her involved with putting the condom on him. There are many ways in which she can participate in applying the condom: she can keep her eyes on his, she can touch him while the condom is being applied, she can hold it open while he thrusts into the open condom (this is an especially good one - almost like docking!) among many other ways that both partners can be involved. The idea here is that if both partners participate and have a vested interest in not letting their focus leave the actual act of play then he will have a much better time of it and be far less likely to let his mind stray into thoughts of "sub-optimal" or "can't come". I think you'd be amazed at the difference this kind of condom as foreplay can make to a guy who has a problem with condoms. I know the women I have talked to about this and given instruction to have been reporting to me for years that it makes a huge difference in their love lives.

2. Most straight folk simply do not have a clue about lubrication. For instance you may, having been involved in the gay community for years, consider this old hat but putting some lubrication in the nipple at the head of the condom before applying it can greatly increase the sensation for the man. If some lube is applied, then the condom is applied, then if his partner will massage around the glans to spread the extra lubrication around the glans within the condom he will find that not only does this action tend to help keep his mind and body focused on his partner and the sex play but it also will spread the extra lubrication around the glans, which is the most sensitive part of the penis, and make the actual experience with the condom that much better.

3. Condom fit is so important and so misunderstood by the average fellow. You see most condom lines come in at most three sizes: small, average, and large. If you've ever been a jogger or done any kind of hard physical activity on your feet you can no doubt appreciate how important shoe size is when participating in these activities. Condoms are very similar. If you are wearing a condom and it is pinching you because it is too tight, or if it feels as though it's going to slide right off when you thrust deeply into your partner then your experience with the condom is going to be severely undercut by these ill-fitting condoms. It is a commonly held belief that condoms are essentially one-size-fits-all and/or that most penises are essentially the same or very similar in size so that these types of issues with condom size are not a big deal. But I can tell you in no uncertain terms that this is pure bunk.

Let me share a bit with you about a line of condoms we introduced last fall. We call them the TheyFit line and they currently come in 55 different sizes. I know you are laughing at even the thought of that many sizes. And to be honest so did we when we began this project. But here's the rub: by the 200th order we had sold all 55 sizes and had dozens of customer requests for additional sizes not available. We have had such an amazing response to this and have had so many requests for additional sizes that we are going to be introducing in the fall an additional batch of sizes which will bring the line up to almost 100 sizes. Our customers tell us every single day that these custom fitted condoms have completely changed their opinion of condoms and has made their sex lives much much better because the issues I mentioned above of ill fitting condoms, slipping off or pinching, just doesn't occur anymore.

We have what we call a Fit Kit which our customers use to size themselves. It seems kind of silly I know, but on that page you follow the questions to find the correct version for your computer/printer set up and then print out the kit, cut out the pieces, get yourself excited with your partner, and then use the kit to measure both your girth and length. I'd suggest you try it with your partner Dan (of course wait till the kiddo is in bed =) as you will no doubt find the whole thing rather amusing and very interesting. If you are curious about this let me know as I can arrange to have some of these condoms sent for you and your partner if you'd like to try them out.

Okay, so to reiterate, your letter writer was looking for tips:

1. Get your partner involved.
2. Use lube inside the condom & out.
3. Size is very important, use a condom that fits you correctly.